Muggling Sirius!
by queen g
Summary: Waring, strong language. Everything bad seems to happen to Carina Bootes- she is a muggleborn that has to tutor Sirius in muggle studies, whilst trying to win Remus Lupins heart. Remus? Right! SBOC...eventually.
1. Vainity!

A/N: Well. Here's my first proper fic-that-not-a-one-shot! I don't have much else to say, except…enjoy. BTW the names of the characters might tell you something - the meanings, what else is it called etc… Okay it wont tell you a lot but it'd be nice to find out! I'LL SHUT UP NOW. 

OH and WARNING: Strong language. I don't want to make the rating 'mature' so I'll just do a warning.

* * *

**1st September**  
**9:00pm**

"WHEN I HAD YOU TO MYSELF, I DIDN'T WANT YOU AROUND! THOSE PRETTY FACES ALWAYS MADE YOU STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD," My loud voice, incredibly high and well…amazing, if I do say so myself, was drifting its way lovingly across the common room. For some reason, people were giving me dirty looks!  
Humph.  
They obviously don't understand talent when they hear it.

…ahem.

Okay.  
Maybe I'm not _that_ good at the whole, 'singing' thing, but its fun.  
Nice.  
There's no need for name calling, really.  
And please, Hufflepuffs already have a reputation for being stupid - some of the things they're shouting out!  
"Can't-Sing-Carina"  
"Carina the Crappy"  
"Butt-ugly Bootes"  
That last one was uncalled for!  
I, Carina Bootes, am NOT crappy. I am NOT 'butt-ugly'.  
And…yeah the singing issue. We've all got to start somewhere, haven't we!  
My fellow Hufflepuffs were so understanding when I muttered all this back - in fact, a few of the girls from my dormitory even let me gossip with them that night!  
I wish.  
Or rather, I do not wish, as their conversations make my brain feel like a drunken Kneazle.  
Whatever THAT feels like.

…would it be prickly?  
Possibly.  
I'm shit at Care of Magical Creatures anyway, got a P in my O.W.Ls.  
They should have singing lessons at Hogwarts!  
Or, judging by the looks, maybe not…

Even if I had the most amazing singing voice ever, the rest of the common room would still be shouting names at me.  
Honestly, its enough to make a girl suicidal!  
They all have it in for me, just because last year I happened to lose the Quidditch Cup.  
Oh and by the way, I'm not on the team.  
No.  
I physically **lost the cup**.  
Couldn't find it anywhere - was supposed to be cleaning it for Slughorn and I just…misplaced it.  
Really, its his fault for trusting me with it.  
Or not looking hard enough!  
But no, blame poor old Carina.  
Ban Hufflepuff from the Quidditch Cup that year.  
Take away 150 points while you're at it!  
Make us bottom of the table in the House Cup too!  
But really, aren't we always bottom?  
And it was just a freaking cup!  
It's not like we would've won anyway-- we got **floored** in the final match against Slytherin!  
Alas, I have presented these arguments time and time again to everyone, but they're not listening to reason.  
I don't think they want to accept that Hufflepuff is shit, really.  
They're all in denial.  
The sooner we all realise it, the sooner I can go back to having friends!

…ahem.

So I wasn't the most _popular_ girl to begin with.  
I've still got Arvina.  
Don't give me that look, she's lovely!  
A Gryffindor. A a very...err...nice...Gryffindor.  
She uses such a, um, wonderful vocabulary!  
So her face is like the back end of a donkey, that doesn't mean she's only my friend because she's got no-one else!

…ahem.

Oh go ahead, make fun of Carina because her best-friend is ugly as a hellhound.   
I'm not that bad!  
I shouldn't be dragged down because of her!  
Okay, so my nose sticks out a bit and my skins really dry and flaky and I've got this weird rash on my-

…ahem

But my hairs nice! Short, in bob, with a fringe. Silver too!  
That doesn't mean I'm an old women as the people in my common room love to shout at me.

…Okay, not just the people in my common room.

No-one says anything about my eyes though.  
They're blue.  
Just blue - not piercing, or sparkling, or icy or anything.  
Blue blue.  
I'm looking the mirror in my dormitory now, just before going to sleep.  
Analysing my face.  
I feel so dirty and vain - like the girls in the room who are dozing quietly.  
Ah well, I guess I should just climb into bed too.  
Stop thinking about my looks.

…I mean, my nose can be okay in certain lights.  
I like my toes too!  
The rest of my body is a bit shit though.  
I have a complete lack of bosom.  
As Arvina tells me every time I complain about this, "Fuck off you skinny cow!"

Doesn't she seem lovely.

So that's me.  
Carina Nasica Bootes.  
16.  
6th Year Hufflepuff, best friend the size of an overgrown mansion and the academic skills of a mountain troll.

But this year's going to be diffrent.  
This year I'm going to do something brilliant.  
This year--  
"GOD CARINA, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP,"  
Humph.  
Some people have _no_ manners. 

* * *

A/N: SO.  
There's the first, umm...chapter.  
Yeah, not a lot happened hahah.  
Next chapter we might meet Sirius!  
OKAY, I said might.  
Calm down you rabid fan girls.

Disclaimer: Errrr do I look like JK?  
Errr do I look like the Jackson 5 singing 'I want you back'?  
Nopeee, just taking both things out to play, kay?

Ummmmm so yeah.  
Review?


	2. Bacon!

A/N: Chapter Twooooooooo.

Cheers to 'Color Me Gray', I'm glad you like it so far.

* * *

**Chapter Two; _Bacon_**

**September 2nd**

"BUT SOMEONE PICKED YOU FROM THE BUNCH, ONE GLANCE WAS ALL IT TOOK, NOW IT'S MUCH TOO LATE FOR ME TO TAKE A SECOND LOOK!"

I woke up early, and was still in a good enough mood to sing!

I think everyone else in my room appreciated it. 

Ahem.

So I went down to breakfast, and ate some bacon.

Mhmm, bacon.

That was the only good thing about breakfast - Bethany Grant and Chloe Rink both glared at me the  
whole time I ate my bacon.

Mhmm, bacon.

I don't think they like me much.

Understatement of the century?

God, that bacon was so good.

Remembering it sends shivers down my spine.

Oooh.

So, while I was enjoying my bacon, I glanced over at Arvina.

Of course, I mean, what are best friends for?

Unfortunately she was eating.

And I mean, really eating.

She won't look at you for love nor money - I toyed with the idea of screaming her name but I doubt  
she'd give me a second glance.

Honestly, she has no manners.

One day I'm going to give her elocutions lessons.

Teach her a bit of grace - like me!

Ahem.

Stop giving me that look!

I didn't mean to fall down the stairs this morning, to elbow Chloe Rink in the ribs and to kick Bethany

Grant in the leg.

It was natures fault for inventing gravy.

Gravy?

Gravy-tee?

Hmm…

Anyway.

At breakfast Professor Oldridge came over to talk to me about my O.W.Ls.

Wow, that was such a pleasant chat.

"Hmm, Carina, I see you wanted to take Herbology again?" _Please please please…_

"Yes, Professor, is a P not acceptable?" _I don't even know why I said that, really._

"…I'm afraid not," _Wow, she doesn't think I'm a complete retard_.

"Carina, What about Transfiguration?"_ With McGonagall?! No thanks._

"Eurgh…I mean, Eurgh-yay!" _Smooth, real smooth_.

"Okay, so that's Transfiguration, Muggle Studies, Astronomy, Divination, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms?" _Muggle Studies?! Was I DRUNK when I was talking about my subjects?!_

"Wow Professor, what an oddly succinct summary!" _How do I even KNOW that word?_

And then she walked off and let me continue having an orgasm over my lovely bacon.

_  
Sigh._

I'm still trying to come up with this totally brilliant show stopping idea that will completely save my 6th year.

Any idea would be alright at the moment - maybe I could dye my hair?

Get a nose reduction spell?

Stuff my bra?

Turn into Chloe Rink?

Aha, no, too far.

She's stupider than me.

…and that's saying something

That's the problem too, with a brilliant plan.

Once you come up with the idea, it's very hard to put into action - or it is if you're a complete retard  
like me.

I mulled over this new found acceptance of my faults, got up and left my plate after devouring 17 rashes of bacon.

Mhmm…bacon.

Well, I thought I'd better get to class - and there's no point in trying to contact Arvina.

I doubt she'd notice if a bomb went off.

I walked through the hall just dozing - how you can do that whilst walking, I do not know.

But there I was, just drifting along dreamily and then-

SMACK

"God, watch were you're going you retard!"

"Haha, nice one Lils,"

I look up.

Urgh, it's fucking Lily Evans.

"Urgh, it's fucking Carina…Bots?"

"BOOTES." I shouted and carried on walking up the hall.

God, that red head gets under my skin!

'Oh, I'm Lily, I'm really nice and I defend Snape from the mean old bullies and I wouldn't hurt a fly but I have a really cool temper and I'm really pretty and smart!'

Before you say it, I am NOT jealous of that little ginger girl - just because she has lots of friends.

Is really pretty.

Smart.

Gets all the boys…_sigh_.

Okay, maybe I am jealous.

Only a teeny-tiny bit.

She also gets the undying attention of one James Potter.

The same James Potter who is best friends with Remus Lupin.

Ahhhhhhh.

He sends a shive down my spine - much like bacon.

Unfortunately, due to my stupidity he doesn't really see me.

At all.

I mean, god, I've been in the same Charms, DADA and Herbology class as him for the past three  
years!

I doubt he even knows that I exist.

Life just isn't fair, is it?

I wish I could just have a giant plate of Remus Lupin, covered in bacon, oh that would be-

SMACK

"Oh, sorry, you okay?"

_Drool drool drool vacant expression drool drool drool drool_

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeehhahahaehahae…guuuuuuh" _Wtf. SAY SOMETHING. It's REMUS._

"Hello? You alright?" _Hejustaskedyouifyouwere'alright'answeryoufuckingretardstopstaringattheground_

"I am…eheheheheehehehehee…fine…bahahhaa…" _Wow. You are a complete twat._

"…I'll just be going then…" _NO, DON'T LEAVE, I LOVE YOU!_

"…k." _God. You don't deserve to live._

WELL DONE.

Well, at least he know who I am now.

Probably thinks I'm the biggest freak with an uncontrollable drooling obsession, but that's better than nothing, right?  
RIGHT?!

Kill me, now.

* * *

A/N: WOW.  
Ahahahahahha, plot devices are afoot! We will, of course, eventually meet the lovely SB, but for now, you'll have to do with Remus. 

I wouldn't complain if I were you!

Disclaimer: If I was Jackson 5 singing I Want You Back and/or JK Rowling, I'd hardly be on here?  
Don't sue me, I have no money.


	3. Perverts!

A/N: SO, it's the second day at Hogwarts.

What charming mischief will Carina get up to?

Read ahead to discoverrrrr...

Oh and cheers to Paddie'sGirl, glad you like it!

* * *

**Chapter Three; _Perverts! _**

**September 2nd  
1:00pm**

Today has been rubbish so far.

I've just come from Muggle Studies - and I'm proud to say that I handed in my summer essay, confident of an 'E'.

My only 'E' I've ever been confident of in my life.

I don't even know why I took the subject - I think perhaps I _was_ drunk when choosing them - I find it effortless to the point of nausea.

I probably took it so I would have at least one 'E' to show to prospective employers - I'll just leave out the fact that I'm Muggle born.

That's right.

My best subject is a product of 11 years practise. And that is so depressing, I feel running down to the lake and offering myself to the giant squid.

Instead, I will walk to Divination and try and predict my own academic downfall!

**7:00pm**

I was in the common room and…

"Carina, will you come into my office for a moment?"

God, what could Oldridge want?

First day back and I'm already in trouble?!

I think that's a record even for me.

I don't remember doing anything wrong…maybe she just wants to talk.

About nice things.

Ha-ha, maybe she's decided to become my first ever friend at Hogwarts.

Eek, maybe she wants to be more than a friend!

Maybe she's going to try and, I dunno, sexually seduce me?!

I've always wondered about her…help me!

**7:05pm**

There hasn't been any seducing as of yet…

**7:30pm**

OH FREAKING YEAH.

So, you know I've been pondering all day about how to change this year?

And how to make one extremely handsome Remus Lupin fall completely head-over-heels in love me with me?

The best thing ever has just happened.

So, I go into Oldridge's office, looking at all her telescopes, seeing if any of them are sexual objects in disguise as per usual, blah blah blah.

But I sit down - and there's a knock at the door.

"Hello Morgan - Minerva will be along in a minute, with the student." It's Professor Cadson - my Muggle Studies teacher.

Except all I can think about is what Cadson said.

A student?

Is it Chloe Rink?

Is she going to sue me for elbowing her this morning?!

"Excuse me Sir, did you say another student would be joining us?"

"Yes I did Carina, and in a moment you will find out why," _God. I bet there's going to be some mass orgy with some sicko from my year. Maybe they're having an affair with Cadson AND Oldridge! AND McGonagall! They've brought me here so I can witness their weird sex thing, record it, and sell it on vinyl to everyone, oh god-_

Oldridge gave a little cough.

Cadson scratched his nose.

I hummed 'Killer Queen' underneath my breath.

"Perhaps, Jeremy, we had better inform Miss Bootes, lest we keep her from her social engagements anymore?" _Yes, do inform me, I'm just dying to - wait, are you laughing at me?! You bitch! Don't think I can't see that twinkle in your eye, you know that I don't have any friends or any plans! You know that when I get back into my room I'm just going to practise some charms and sing to myself! Hufflepuff loyalty my arse, you utter-_

"Yes, I suppose we had," _Stop glancing at your watch! It's not my fault that your sex slaves are 10 minute lack - probably got caught in something._

Oh ew.

"You see Carina, you are the best student in my class," _He's trying to seduce me by charm, isn't he? Butter her up, then ask her to tie me up and whip me._

"Mhmm," _Okay, stop thinking about sex and perverts, its making you shake._

"What Professor Cadson is trying to say, Miss Bootes, is that, we feel you have an adequate understanding of the subject of Muggle Studies," _GOD I bet this is all some secret phrase or whatever for 'Carina please pour syrup on me and touch yourself as Professor Oldridge licks it off'._

"How would you feel about tutoring a student in said subject?" _Ew, syrup and - WHAT?!  
_  
"I…eh…guh…fluh?"

"You see, the student that will be joining us shortly is struggling to make the N.E.W.T requirements for the end of the year - only, with extra work will he be able to pass through to 7th year," _'He'? So. It can't be Chloe…_

"…um, Professor, sorry, I think you've made a big mistake. You can't want me to be a tutor. I'm a retard."  
_  
_

_Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that a silence this awkward would ever last this long._

"Miss Bootes, you are not…ahem…'retarded'. You just seem to lack skills in certain areas!" That's just code for 'you're retarded'.

"Oh come now Carina, don't give Professor Oldridge that look! What better way to prove your worth than to tutor another student! It'll give you a chance to expand as a person and er, make some…more…friends?" _OH SO THAT'S YOUR PLAN? Make Carina a tutor because she's too retarded to talk to anyone except herself? Use her best subject as a mean of getting her a BFF 4 LYFE? I don't want a best friend, I'm fine where I am!_

"Um-" I was just about to say all this in one incredibly well thought out rant, when another knock came from the door.

"That'll be the student now," _I bet it's going to be Severus Snape or Lily Evans or someone who really really hates me and will just refuse to be in the same room as me, let alone be taught by me._

I can hear talking from the door - some words sound like 'won't' and 'can't make me'.

That sounds promising.

Professor Oldridge opens the door, "Ah, Minerva, there you are. What took so long?"

McGonagall is blocking the boy in question - I can't see them. Yet.

"Well Morgan, it appears Mr. Black had a previous…um…'social engagement',"

She steps out of view.

I can just see Sirius Black, hair flowing down in sexy little sexy tendrils that are just sexily begging to be wrapped sexily around my little finger and stroked sexily and - what am I saying?!

"Sirius Black, meet your tutor, Carina Bootes," Cadson points from him to me.

"Alright, she's not ugly!"

CLUNK.

That's right.

I fucking had to faint, didn't I?

* * *

A/N: Haha, I had fun writing this chapter.

Hopefully I'll have fun writing the next - and the one after that!

Oh, also, I know Lily Evans would not be likley to fail - or even take - Muggle Stuides. I know she was Muggle born. I doubt that Carina does, seeing as she has never really spoken to her.

Don't review either, saying that ''E' isn't the highest grade!'.

She didn't get an 'O' on purpose. Don't make Carina feel even worse! She can't even get an 'O' in Muggle Studies!

Ummm I'll post the next chapter soon then!

Oh and of course;

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. I am not Queen. That is all.


	4. Witty!

A/N: I just did a small edit on this chapter - nothing big - because it was really pissing me off. SIRIUSly (wicked!) I need a beta.

SO! Chapter 4, my my we're moving fast.

Sorry it took so long to update, I had real problems with this. I think it's my least favourite one so far-- its not very good.

You've been warned!

I am so freaking tempted to put in some Jamie T songs but, god damn, he wasn't around in the 70s.

Cheers to chica and PaddiesGirl again, it makes me so happy that you reviewed.

I wish others would do the same, even if its to say how shit I am!

I wouldn't be surprised really.

* * *

**Chapter 4; _Witty!_**

**September 2nd**

**7:40pm**

I wake up to someone fanning my face and muttering around me - my eyes open, blurry, and my head hurts.

"It's okay Minerva, she's come around,"

"Are you okay Miss Bootes?"

I hear sniggering in the corner.

Then I remember.

I fainted, didn't I?

In front of SIRIUS BLACK.

I see him now, shaking with laughter.

"_This _is my tutor?" _Yes, Sirius Black, Gryffindor Sex God, Queen of the Hufflepuff Sluts, you are now being tutored by me-- renowed idiot and all round disastar-_

"Guhuhuhuhuhuhuh…eeeh!! Swirs Blook…gahahahaahah" _Is that me talking?! What am I saying? What am I doing? What am I THINKING?! Oh right, this…_

"Okay, so she's not ugly, but does she has some sort of brain disorder?" _God. He hates me. He's going to tell Remus how stupid I am. God. No. No. No. NO._

McGonagall narrows her eyes, whispers something to Oldridge about no manners, and then proceeds to exit - grabbing Black by the arm.

He is all too pleased to go.

I am left-- red in the face, woozy, and alone, with two people I had previously considered to be sex perverts.

"Carina, are you sure you're okay?" _Yes Professor Cadson, I'm perfect! I just fainted in front of Sirius Black. Best friend of one Remus Lupin. Best friend of the LOVE OF MY LIFE. And, of course, because the universe seems to hate me, he will be regaling this all to his mates right about now._

"I am assuming, Miss Bootes, that you understand the arraignments of tutoring Mr Black?" _God. What if, during our sessions, I explode out of frustration and tell about my love for Remus? What if I accidentally kill Sirius!? What if Sirius tries to RAPE me?! What if he invites Remus along and they put me in some kind of gang-bang!? What if Remus finds out that I'm tutoring Sirius and gets so jealous that he kills his best friend?! If only…_

I nod.

"I have to tutor him every Month and-" I hear a cough, Professor Cadson interrupts me - "Every week, Carina,"

Every WEEK?! I'm going to have to refrain from behaving like a complete idiot for at least an hour a week?

It can't be done.

They fill me in with the times - first session is Friday.

So I have two days.

Two days to charm the pants of Sirius.

And now, I'm sat here in the common room - my head throbbing slightly - wondering if I should tell Arvina all of this.

I just can't believe how perfect this is - I impress Sirius with my amazing…um…beauty?

But Remus goes for smart girls, don't he?

Shiiiiiiit.

I'll figure it out eventually, Sirius is the sexy stepping stone to my Remus.

I guess I had better tell Arvina - she is my 'best friend after all'.

Even if she hasn't been very…um…'active' as of late.

OOO

I told her.

She replied with a grunt.

Seriously.

Just, a grunt.

I said, "That's it?! That's all you're going to say?!"

She replied with another grunt.

"Well, Arvina, if our friendship is really that important, surely you'll care that I get to spend an hour and a half with the delightful Sirius Black?"

"_Grunt_, 'spose,"

"'SPOSE?! 'SPOSE?! This is the same Sirius Black, best friend of REMUS LUPIN. The very Remus Lupin I have been lusting after since my third year when I first noticed his cute little eyes peaking over a text book in Charms…ooh what I wouldn't do to drown in those scrumptious eyes-"

Arvina held up her hand, "Carina. Stop. I know how you like to rabbit on," _RABBIT ON?! Is that a jibe at my teeth? So what if they peek slightly over my lips, it's barely noticeable isn't it? Isn't it? It is, isn't it? I'm just being paranoid, aren't I? Aren't I?! TELL ME I AM!_

"God, would you stop picking at your teeth, they're fine!"

I humph.

"I simply do not care about Black. Nor Lupin. Nor Potter or Pettigrew or Evans or any of those awful people - seemingly 'popular' and 'funny' and whatnot," Arvina then turned a page in her book, scratching one of her chins with a yellowing nail.

"And that, dear Arvina, is why we are best friends," I hug her middle-- my arms do not meet each other, but I can tell she appreciates the sentiment from the light 'whoo' I heard escape her lips.

"Aw, look at you, cheering me on, 'Whoo, go get Remus!'," I smile and hug her again - the same 'whoo' is heard.

"Oh, I wasn't cheering, that was the sound of air escaping from the folds in my side," _OH EW._

"Well. Um. I guess, I mean, I'd better be off," Then I walked rapidly out of the library, as fast as my spindly legs could carry me.

I think I need a new best friend.

It was fun at first - probably the immediate attraction between us - to bitch about Lily Evans.

And James Potter and Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black.

But never Remus Lupin, never my Remus, who reads his books so very well and has beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and a beautiful beautiful beautiful smile.

If Arvina did mention anything about him I would immediately squawk and hit her repeatedly - I assume this became annoying because after the 15th time I did it she stopped talking about him.

However, I can tell, they way she watches them at lunch with her piggy eyes swimming with jealousy.

She just wants to be one of them.

Bitch.

I'm going to be seeing Sirius a lot - and, if I figure out a plan, and get Remus, I will be seeing Potter and Pettigrew a similar amount.

This could become a problem if Arvina just wants to be one of them/thinks they're all wankers.

Because, you know, I really don't want to be one of them at all.

No way.

I would hate to pull off pranks on Severus Snape that makes everyone cheer and love you.

That is so not me.

Ish.

And I know, I know!

You shouldn't put boys or popularity before mates, but, god, Remus is so amazing that I think I have to.

Plus, it's not like Arvina and I have fun together - it's mainly her doing homework, while I whine about how shit everything is.

Or me doing homework while Arvina sits in silence and I whine about how shit everything is.

Or Arvina eating and me whining about how shit everything is.

I ponder all this thoughtfully as my legs continue to carry me towards the Hufflepuff common room - the celler, downstairs.

Very warm and cosy, who needs a Gryffindor tower or a Slytherin lake or a Ravenclaw…whatever.

I bet you they all sleep in the library.

Boffins.

GOD, look at me!

I'm just jealous of the boffs.

I don't know how I'm going to tutor Sirius!

"_Do a cheering charm,"_

"_Um…no,"_

Then I'll run out the room and blush my face off.

Even if he won't be asking me about magic stuff, I'll still have to know lots about Muggle stuff.

I'm still going to mess up!

"_Explain how a…telephone works,"_

"_Um…you press in numbers and it calls someone,"_

"_Like magic!"_

"_Err…no,"_

Then I'll run out the room and blush my face off.

Well, Remus Lupin does like smart girls.

I'm going to have to start hitting the boo-

SMACK

"Shit- you okay?" _Oh._

"…" _Oh. Oh. Oh. OH._

"It's you!" _No shit._

"Hi…" _Yes, that's it, just gather up your books and move away from his feet, there's a good girl - what is he doing?! WHY is he bending down to help you pick them up? Stop touching that book! Stop it! HIT HIS HAND AWAY-_

"Um, why did you just hit my hand? I was just helping you," _I have OCD? My books are poisonous? I like to read so much that I get possessive? Hahaha, he'll never fall for that one._

"Sorry," _GOD. Say something important you freak! Who hits a hand away? Why did you hit him?! Why?! Why?! He's standing up now, thanks a lot, leaving me to pick up this mess- oh. He used his wand._

"It s'okay. I've always thought you were a little," _What, CRAZY?! _"…retarded, haha," _Yeah, because thinking I'm a retard is much better than thinking I'm crazy. Good, he's turning away, walking away. His arse looks pretty good though-_

"See you on Friday,"

At least you know what to expect in our sessions, dear Sirius Black.

I will drool, question you about Remus and possibly - just maybe - if I'm lucky - talk about Muggles.

Hopefully.

* * *

A/N: I am not JK. 

No shiiiit.

Yeah, really not happy with this chapter at all - I thought it was really slow and stilted.

I NEED A BETA.

Review, and please criticise. I need it.

(No song was used! I think I'm still on a Bloc Party high, hence why I did not feel like trawling through lyrics of songs from 1970 and up.)

LOVE YOU! x


	5. Eyelash Curlers!

A/N: Yeahhhhh fifth chapter.

Read the bottom for the PROPER A/N.

Oh I still need a BETA btw.

It's not my fault my friends can't do it!

PLEASE contact me. My myspace is on my author profile-y…thing.

Wicked, on with the story!

(it's a bit short…ehhhh)

* * *

**Chapter Five; _Eyelash Curlers!_**

IOIOIOI

**September 4th**

**5:30pm**

Okay.

I have just been attacked.

Well, I have just been prodded and poked and moved and tweezed and pinched.

SO BASICALLY, ATTACKED.

I mean, I was just sat there and stupid Bethany Grant comes over -

"Carina, we heard about Sirius," _Um. Okay, what did you hear?! Has he been saying how I fell over? God. I bet everyone's been laughing at me for the past two days._

Then it was Chloe's time to speak.

"And we like, figured, that like, you like, proper need our help!" _Help with what? Don't help me with my school work, I'll end up getting a T in my N.E.W.Ts. That's if I don't get one anyway…_

"So, just sit here and I'll go get the eyelash curlers!" _Eyelash CURLERS?! Why do I need my eyelashes curled?! I bet its going to hurt, I've never had it done before, what if it's some sort of injection into your eye and it curls them magically with a wand but oh my god what if they cant do the right spell to curl them or the needle is infected and then I get a disease that even Dumbledore can't cure and what if-_

I was shaking.

They told me to 'shhhhh and relaxxxxxx'.

I asked them if they were high.

They cackled, "Oh Carina, you're SO funny!"

Um…what?!

I felt like I was on a different planet - a planet where the superficially girls in my dormitory had decided to befriend me.

It had to be a prank.

I kept looking around for the cameras, inspecting their faces to see if they were acting.

Unfortunately, it was all true.

They were interested in me, asking me questions.

"So…how's Sirius?" Asked one of them - Karen…something.

She was smiling a sickly smile that made my stomach squirm.

"He's…erm, fine…" They had all stopped what they were doing, and now stared at me expectantly, "I mean, I'm supposed to tutor him later and everything…"

And then it clicked.

Sirius.

I was tutoring Sirius Black - THE Sirius Black.

This fact meant I was a valuable agent to them - I could find out who he liked, who he didn't like, what his perfect date was…oh god.

That's even worse than being pranked, being used because you are spend one and a half hours a week with the boy of their affections.

Obviously, as I was their informant, would be hanging out with them and such, I would need a…make…over.

WHAT?!

"I just LOVE Sirius, he has such beautiful hair…" Someone - I think it was Bethany - sighed.

"Don't forget his eyes!"

"And his smile!"

"AND…" Chloe paused dramatically, "His arse…"

All the girls then brought their hands to their chests and sighed…apparently Sirius had quite a nice arse.

I'd never really noticed.

His hair was too beautiful that it kept getting the way - what am I thinking?!

Oh right, this.

"So Carina," Bethany had started to curl my hair, "Now you're hanging out with us, how about we give the whole 'stupid quirky' thing a rest, hmm?"

She looked down at my shoes.

"What's wrong with these!"

Bethany scoffed, "Oh Cari, they're green. Lime green. With pineapples on them." _Cari?! Who the HELL is 'Cari'?!_

"I like them!" I muttered.

Apparently after this little out burst, I wasn't allowed to talk anymore.

IOIOIOI

One hour later, however, I was stood in front of a mirror, looking back at Carina Bootes.

Except, it didn't look like Carina - _I_ didn't look like Carina.

"Oh Cari, you look wonderful!" Squealed the girls.

I wasn't so sure it…suited me.

Straight silver hair was now curly, as were my eyelashes. The eyes themselves looked huge - coated in a thick layer of blue eye cream…stuff.

My skin looked orange and, to top it all off, I had on lipstick.

Pink lipstick.

I put a hand up and stroked a cheek.

"Blusher, Cari, makes the cheeks look natural and less pale. Less dead." _So I looked dead before?! What about this gloss stuff - I already have the lip stick on, and this glossy shit is really sticky and annoying, and what's up with my bra-_

My head was pointed at my chest, one hand cupping them.

"Wonderbra love," Kathleen (or was it Karen?) said as she poked a breast.

My breast.

My left breast, to be exact.

It hurt a bit.

I slapped her hand away.

"Don't worry love, I'm not a dyke!" _I hope not or I will be out the door quick as a shot. Oh my lord, she just touched my boob! What if she got some weird THRILL? Do lesbians get turned on easily?! And why is she staring at me? She's god some sort of lusty glint in her eye, what the hell…_

"Says you, K!" Giggled Bethany, sitting down on the floor and interrupting my thoughts.

So this, 'K' was not a lesbian?

Was that what girls did?

Called each other lesbians, poked breasts, coated on orange make up and drooled over the male species?

If that was what normal girls did, then I was glad I didn't have any friends.

I started to leave the room - better to escape during a laughing fit and not be caught.

One of them looked up - she had short - incredibly short - red hair.

It looked choppy, elfy. Cute.

_Her _breasts were huge, and she looked different - still coated in make up, still laughing, but quieter.

Distant.

I walked out the dormitory, still hearing the cackling of adolescents and felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Hello."

I gave her a blank stare.

"…I'm Daisy Thomas," _I'm not stupid Daisy! I do know who you are, we've been in the same year for the past SIX YEARS._

I sat down in a chair in the common room - it was late, two fourth years were playing wizard chess and Jennifer Gregory was getting off with some boy in the corner.

Daisy gave them a look, "Disgusting, I bet she had her first kiss at the age of 8,"

I snorted with laughter and then caught myself.

"I wouldn't be surprised if I found her getting it on with Professor Cadson in the broom closet,"

I snorted again, Daisy was funny.

I suppose that she was different to Karen and Bethany and Chloe in that she did talk like she had just eaten a Cosmo Girl, spewing out the latest jargon as if it was a hot potato.

"I bet she's even slept with Filch, slag…"

Um…okay.

There was being funny, and then there was just being mean - Daisy seemed…bitter.

I sat there and listened as she let a tirade of abuse fall on everyone within 10 meters of us, it was quite amusing to watch her get all red in face and shake her arms about angrily.

Her eyes were green and she stank of toothpaste so badly, the minty-ness was making my eyes water.

She thought I was crying, out of emotion.

"Oh, don't get sad Cari! It's not your fault you're…socially challenged," _WHAT?! God. I have friends! Arvina for one…except she hasn't spoken to me since I ran away from her talking flab. This Sirius-tutoring-thing has really pushed us apart - in fact, I think I saw her talking to Ophelia Vase the other day! So what if Fi's a Gryffindor and is a bit of a loner too, you don't just drop your friends like that! Or maybe you do if they're Carina Bootes. Daisy's right, I have no friends, I'm just destined to tutor Sirius, and turn into a pool of jelly due to sexual frustration. At least that might make Remus notice me, he's looking ever so pale recently-_

"That's it," Daisy looked at me defiantly - I was staring off into space, "You are now my best friend."

I gasped.

"Wha-What?!"

"Well, I just made you laugh a bit, and you're easy to talk to," _Even if I'm not listening?! _"I think you look passable when you're not wearing freakish robes, so it's alright for us to be seen together!"

And this was all supposed to be a COMPLIMENT?

I mumbled something about Bethany and Chloe and Karen but Daisy just waved a hand and said, "They're bound to accept you into the group now - use you to find out every little thing about Sirius."

"Oh. Goody."

Daisy then said something about Herbology homework, and left for the library.

I suppose the changes this year have been big so far - I've lost one 'friend', started tutoring the fittest boy at school and gained a whole new group of 'best' 'mates'.

IOIOIOI

**7:10pm**

"…little blonde highlights and then maybe pink-"

"No love, red,"

"You're right - red, nail varnish."

My head started to loll and I felt my eyes grow heavy.

Daisy flicked me, "Cari!"

I winced, this nickname was awful. It was taking some getting used to.

"…asleep, pay attention,"

I was sat in the dormitory, with my new 'friends', listening to Bethany Grant talk about what she was going to wear to Hogsmeade in two weeks.

Two weeks!

How could she think about what she was going to wear if the event was a fortnight away?!

The mind boggles.

"…bring in some Slade records to show you Clo, you'd love them!"

I groaned, Slade?!

Seriously?!

They were shit.

Bethany must have heard me cough, and turned her eyes to face mine - I didn't think she wanted me in the room that much.

"So, little music expert here."

I wince and screwed up my face, expecting her to punch me.

"You're a Muggle born then, are you?"

I turned bright red, "Err…yes…"

Instead of the reaction I was waiting for - hitting, scratching, biting, World War Three - Bethany smiled.

A really really wide one, all happy and bright.

"OhmigoshwetotallyhavetotalkaboutmusicandstuffThisissogreattheothersdontknowanymusic!"

"…okay…"

Karen was reading a copy of Witch Weekly, uninterested in our conversation.

Daisy was plaiting Chloe's hair for her - until she yanked it away angrily and stared up jealously at me.

"Wait…so you're a Muggle, but your taking Muggle studies?!" She scoffed, and I was preparing to be smacked, again, when -

"SHIT, I was supposed to be tutoring Sirius 15 minutes ago!"

Bethany looked happy, as did Chloe - momentarily.

They gave me the thumbs up and covered me in a cloud of perfume as I ran out the room.

What a good start this was going to be to one of the most awkward hours I will have spent in a long time.

IOIOIOI

* * *

A/N: I am not JK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS BEFORE YOU BELIEVE ME?!

Wickeddddd.

Um, yeah, this is the classic 'makeover' scene!

Next chapppppter we will, probably, be meeting Sirius - properly!

With no - or at least, minimal - injuires!

You might've noticed Daisy Thomas - she's in another story of mine, not comedy.

Read it?

It gives more back story, and might show why Daisy is so interested in the Marauders and bitter at Jennifer Gregory, the 'slag'.

Anyway, this took ages because I was drowning underneath a pile of Textiles coursework.

Apparently, I have 10 weeks until my GCSE exams.

I'm not worried…nope…not even a bit…ahem…yeah…anyway…

Review! It'll help take my mind off revision.


	6. Regulus!

A/N: I am not JK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS BEFORE YOU BELIEVE ME?!

Wickeddddd.

Um, yeah, this is the classic 'makeover' scene!

Next chapppppter we will, probably, be meeting Sirius - properly!

With no - or at least, minimal - injuires!

You might've noticed Daisy Thomas - she's in another story of mine, not comedy.

Read it?

It gives more back story, and might show why Daisy is so interested in the Marauders and bitter at Jennifer Gregory, the 'slag'.

Anyway, this took ages because I was drowning underneath a pile of Textiles coursework.

Apparently, I have 9 weeks until my GCSE exams.

I'm not worried…nope…not even a bit…ahem…yeah…anyway…

Review! It'll help take my mind off revision.

* * *

**Chapter 6; _Regulus!_**

**10:00pm**

OH MY LORD.

The session with Sirius was…interesting, to say the least.

I found out some stuff, he found out some stuff, we just had an hour and half of stuff finding!

And we talked about Muggles for a bit…

Okay, so first off I was late.

But only a little bit!

Like five…teen minutes.

I thought, Sirius, the boy with the supposedly beautiful arse, wouldn't have minded, would he?

Would he?!

I walked into the room and there he was sat - books around him, pen in hand.

Only, his head was on the desk.

His eyes were closed.

I sot of went into Carina-Panic-Mode

"Er…Sirius?!" _OH GOD, what if he's dead?! Is he breathing?! His eyes are shut, he's not making any noises god I've killed him I've killed him all the girls are going to beat me up and hang me from the rafters oh shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!_

"…muffnuff…Regulus…"

He was asleep.

FUCKING ASLEEP.

I had half the mind to smack his face, but he did look quite cute whilst he was snoring.

In fact, he was also drooling.

And for some reason…taking.

"Sirius won't…Regulus…" _WHO THE HELL IS REGULUS?! I bet that's your gay lover, oh dear lord I've discovered Sirius Black is gay. Everyone going to hate me, tell me that I turned him gay, that I'm the reason why he's the way he is! I wonder if they've had sex him and this boy. GOD I hope he doesn't give me details, ohh the details. DON'T THINK ABOUT THE DETAILS OR YOU'LL START TO THINK ABOUT THE IMAGES…ohh the images!_

I was so shocked of my 'Sirius in Gay Lovefest' image, that I lost my balance a bit.

And fell.

Right into him.

Just as he was talking in his sleep, again.

Only it wasn't so much talking, as it was screaming obscenities.

"FUCK OFF!"

I shouted - "AHHHHH" - and the 'Sleeping Beauty' was up.

Haha, 'Sleeping Beauty', I do make myself laugh.

Fortunetly, Sirius did not notice the look of glee in my face.

His eyes were still blurry, and he was now speaking some sort of nonsensical words.

Better than swearing, but still.

"Guh..wha…bleuh?!" _For once, I have the upper hand in our conversation, dear Sirius! I can make a fool out of you! I can spread a rumour around the school about how you mumble about boys in your sleep, how you drool, how you swear violently, how your hair sticks up at such adorable angles, how your eyes still look beautiful even if they're shinning with sleep dust, how-_

"You were…asleep," I tried not to laugh.

"On the table…" Really, I was trying so hard.

"You were snoring…" HONEST TO GOD, I WAS.

"And talking about…a…boy!"

That did it.

I laughed and cackled and giggled and wheezed and then laughed some more, while Sirius woke up a little further.

A half-smile crept up onto his face, "Really? What was I saying?" _HOW YOUR BEST FRIEND LOVES ME AND HOW HE WANTS TO SEX ME UP AND HAVE LOTS OF BABIES WITH ME AND…_

"Something about…Regulus?" I wiped the tears from my eyes - his expression darkened.

"…okay." _Wow. Awkward..._

_...Not getting any less awkward._

_I bet him and Regulus have broken up, and I'm bringing up painful memories. Better you than me Sirius…or not. At least it was nice to be loved, wasn't it?_

_Okay, no on the sympathetic look front…he doesn't seem to like it. How about if you tap your wand a bit? Maybe he'll talk then?…Hmm, okay._

_GOD._

_Say something! Anything! Conjure up a glass of water- NO WAIT, DON'T DO THAT, you'll burn the desk down…um. Ask him about his family?! Ask him about his day?! God. What can you say that wont sounds stupid but will ease this tension, without imply he is gay. Oh god he's coughing. It doesn't look as if he's going to speak first. Well I'm not either, TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME BLACK. Oh god, He's looking at me now NO DON'T LOOK BACK AND - crap. He's staring at your eyes. You are the tutor after all, you should be prepared with some sort of plan. Stop scratching your head, he'll think you have lice, oh god he thinks you have lice and he's going to tell Remus and Remus will think you had lice and then…_

"So…" _YES! HE'S BROKEN THE SILENCE FIRST. I WIN! VICTORY DANCE TIME…or not. I'll have to dance when I get back to the dormitory. The urge to dance is so strong! Or you know, Carina, you could just carry on with the conversation…_

"Yeah…"

"You're a lesbian then, how's that working out?" _God, I really want to dance but - WAIT, WHAT?! I'm a WHAT NOW?!_

"..guhfublihris…eh?!" _Nice and coherent, I'm sure he understood that._

"You," He pointed at me, "are," He drew the letter 'R' in the air, "a LESBIAN," He pointed at my crotch, then his, then mouth a giant NO.

God.

Not only did he think I was a lesbian, he also thought I was the worlds biggest retard.

"Um. I'm not a lesbian…" _Wait…why would he think this?! I bet Remus thinks I'm one too. I bet the whole school will now. OH GOD THE WHOLE SCHOOL ALREADY THINKS THAT…is this why people keep asking me if I like pussy? I thought they were just talking about cats!_

"Really? I was told you were," _WHO BY?! I'll rip their heads and arms and legs and feet off and then- _"By Chloe Rink," _Oh. On second thoughts maybe I wont, that girl can fight dirty. I've seen it. She bites and everything._

"Well…I'm not." _Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. AWKWARD._

"I see…I guess this means that Arvina isn't either?" _You thought I was going out with HER?!_

"You thought _we_ were going out?"

He nodded.

"Me and Arvina?"

He nodded again.

"Arvina Mason, the Gryffindor 6th year?"

Another nod.

"Arvina Mason, the Gryffindor 6th year that weights over 15 stone?"

This time he nodded extra slowly, as if I would grasp the concept faster.

I laughed.

"Please, if I was a lesbian, I'd go for someone nicer, someone like…" _REMUS SOMEONE LIKE REMUS SOMEONE LIKE REMUS. Oh wait he's not a girl…um…Remuslie?! Is that a name?! _"Some one like Rem-Rebecca. Becky. Becky…" _SHIT think of a last name! Becky Muggle? Becky Sirius? Becky Wand?! Quill?! Robes?!_

He stared at me as I ranted on in my head.

"Becky…someone - AnywayIthoughtyouweregaysoshutupaboutmebeingalesbian," I gabbled out - the quicker I spoke, the harder it would be for him to follow.

"You thought _I_ was gay?!"

The way he said it, someone would've thought he'd won 'Hetrosexual of the Year' three years running!

"Just…just for two seconds…" _I am NOT mentioning Regulus again, just incase you kill me in some kind of giant wrestling move. I bet you'll talk about the fact you've had sex, oh please don't talk about the fact you've had sex, please!_

"Well, we're even now, I thought you were gay and vice versa!"

This seemed an odd thing to be happy about, and the voice he was putting on was really cheery.

Creepy boy.

"I don't actually know any gay people, ironically…"

"Really?! What about…" _Who are you going to say this time then, Sirius? My MUM, my grandma?! Your grandma?! This bottle of water that I'm drinking from right now? MY WAND?! WHO THEN?!_

"That girl in your dormitory. K…Karen Jakes."

"I KNEW IT!" I shouted and punched into the air, Sirius raised an eyebrow.

I sat back down.

We both looked at each other with completely straight expressions.

Well.

For about half a second.

I was sat in a room, at night, with Sirius Black, and I was LAUGHING.

Had I stumbled into an alternate universe?

No…everything else looked pretty normal.

Was I in someone else's body?

Nope…my chest was still flat and my hair was still shit.

But I, Carina Bootes, was having _fun._

With a _boy_.

A _popular _boy.

"I feel like such a nice person now!" Exclaimed Sirius - obvious sarcasm, "Aren't you her best friend or something?" _No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And one thousand times NO._

"Yeah…sort of I guess…,"_ And I probably shouldn't be being this mean! Karen's been nice to me! Gave me gossip, talked about me behind my back, burnt me with a curling iron…_

"Shall we get started then?" _Stop eyeing the clock Mr I-have-a-million-places-to-be-blah-blah-blah._

"Wicked."

Sirius stopped getting out his books, and stared at me.

He inched his face closer.

I thought he was going to KISS ME! I screamed and jerked my head back, making my neck crack from the sudden movement.

"Oh sorry, I was just looking at your face…" _WTF?! PERVERT!_

I died a little inside.

Was I really that horrific?!

"You look…different." _Different to when?! DIFFERENT TO WHEN?! Have you been watching me outside the dormitory window? I bet you have. God you've seen me in my underwear! Well I didn't want to buy it, my mum bought it for me, I don't even like bunny rabbits but she insisted and then- ANYWAY YOU PERVERT, stop spying on me, stalking me, noticing when they slightest little thing happens - oh wait. The make over from the girls…that's probably what he's talking about. Nice one Carina!_

"Yeah…the…'girls'…decided to…err…give me a new look…" _AND I HAD NOT CHOICE IN THE MATTER SIRIUS, PLEASE DON'T TELL REMUS I'M THIS HUGE SLUT…unless he likes that sort of thing, then by all means, do!_

"It looks," _SHIT?! _"Interesting." _That's just code for shit. God I hate you Bethany, Chloe, Karen and even you Daisy. Sirius is going to tell Remus and Remus will laugh at me and I will just die, I will die and be swallowed by a hole and be KILLED._

"It's not really my sort of…thing." _I do like my chest though. I now look like a B, as apposed to a 30AAAA. If you can even get bras that size. Which you better fucking be able too, I bet I'll get smaller as I get older._

"Oh, cool…um…yeah…"

"Wicked…so…"

"Yeah…because…you know Carina, you don't need all that stuff," _All what stuff?! A BRA?! Stop staring at my chest you perv! God I hate you so much sometimes but then your hair looks cute and I remember your Remus' best friend so it all comes full circle and - _"You're quite pretty really."

OOO

**10:15pm**

I KNOW.

I KNOW!

He said I was QUITE PRETTY.

PRETTY.

Ahhhhh, I basically died, right then and there.

If Sirius thinks I'm pretty - then what will Remus think?

What MUST Remus think?!

I hope me and my (tutee?)…become mates, then we could hatch a plan to…

...maybe?

Oh, anyway, after that BOMBSHELL of information, we decided to start with the actual studying.

It was simple enough.

Sorry, did I say simple?

I meant incredibly difficult.

Sirius obviously hadn't been paying attention in Muggle Studies for the past three years.

"What, Cadson is so lax, it was the perfect time to catch up on any homework!"

I gave him a look.

"Okay, um…hone my social skills?"

I gave him another look.

"Fine, flirt with girls."

"Much better!"

We started off with the basics - 'elektrizity' and what it did, things it powered etc.

I was half way through explaining television when he checked his watch - we had been there for 80 minutes.

"Professor Cadson said that Muggle pop culture plays a big part in our exam, so we're going to go over that in detail,"

Sirius nodded.

He was fidgeting - I had been surprised he had stayed this focused for this period of time, I suppose patience was wearing thin.

"Or you know, we could just chat for a bit."

He smiled, "Sounds good to me."

OOO

**10:20pm**

So when we talked, I found out some more things.

EEE!

Not only does Sirius think I'm 'quite pretty', he now thinks (I know this because it came from his own mouth) that I am;

- Funny

- Kind

- SMART (?! Seriously, I laughed at that one)

- Interesting

This will all be relayed back to Remus, or at least, IT HAD BETTER BE.

If it doesn't I will shake my first at Mr Black.

I bet he'd be scared, YEAH YOU'D BETTER RUN.

Who am I talking to?

Oh…Berry the teddy bear!

Yeahh you heard me Berry.

The second I got back from 'Muggling Sirius' - his nickname, not mine, stupid boy, I had been verbally attacked.

"What did he say about me?"

"Did he mention our date on Friday?"

"Did he talk about my hair?"

"What's his favourite food?"

"Colour?"

"Shampoo?!"

"Did you see his hair?"

"Did you see his eyes?"

"Did you see his ARSE?"

This last question was apparently too much, and all four of my 'friends' swooned.

Luckily (or maybe, unluckily) they all fell into chairs, so no damage was caused.

This didn't stop Chloe and Karen from screaming "OHMIGOSH SIRUS MADE US FAINT!! HAHAHHAHA"

Pass me my wand, will you?

I'm pondering on whether to avada them or just myself.

Or maybe both! It'd make an interesting front page of the Prophet - '_Hogwarts Retard Kills…'_

Hmm.

Maybe my skills as a journalist need some…work.

I lay in bed - listening to Bethany and Chloe whisper about me, Karen turn the pages of her magazine, and Daisy snore - and started to think.

About the day.

About school.

About Sirius.

And, about his magnificent arse.

I could have sworn that when I finally drifted off, the biggest grin was plastered on my face.

* * *

A/N: SO, we finally meet the elusive SIRIUS BLACK. 

Carina doesn't know who Regulus is by the way, before you tirade me with angry complaints.

She doesn't really notice other people much- least of all Slytherins in a lower year to her...

I dont like this chapter but i don't have the time to do a full complete re-write so it'll have to do for now...untill I got back and re-do EVERYTHING when it's finished, capeache OR HOWEV YOU SPELL THAT.

wickedddddddddddddd.

(im still shitting it about GCSEs and can someone please BETA my fic?! NO?!)


	7. Butterflies!

A/N: YAYYY, I found a memory stick! Everyone be happy, go onnn.

Anyway, blah blah blah anything you recognise isn't mine yadadadadadadadarihesitphsft.

* * *

**Chapter Six; **_**Butterflies**_

**September 25****th**

**7:05pm**

"Late, again." _Quiet you, if I wasn__'__t so bad at hexing, I__'__d__…__hex you?_

"Well. I sort-of-accidentally-on-purpose spilt ink on Chloe's Charm's essay…"

Sirius smiled.

My heart started to beat a tiny bit faster.

Weird.

**October 2****nd**

**7:30pm**

We were crying with laughter - for the sixth time that night - "So Chloe goes, Chloe goes to Karen, Chloe goes, 'Can I stroke your pussy…cat?'!"

I paused to take a deep breath, chocking down my giggles, "You should've seen her face light up - until she heard the cat bit, of course!"

Sirius' laugh made the hairs stand up on my arm

**October 9****th**

**7:15pm**

"Late!"

I glared at him and tried to ignore all the animals stampeding over my intestine.

**9:05pm**

So.

I know what you're thinking.

'CARINA LOVES SIRIUS, CARINA LOVE SIRIUS BLAH BLAH BLAHHH!'

Well, Daisy Thomas is at least.

Except she's not really thinking it, more singing at the top of her lungs along to some broken tune.

Every time she does it I have to thwack her with my hand and, my hands getting pretty tired so she'd better shut up soon.

It all started after my third session 'Muggling Sirius' - as he calls them.

I walked into the common room, and, as usual, Bethany was sat waiting for me - as was Daisy. Chloe was on a date with some boy and Karen was upstairs, all alone, in the dormitory, by herself…ew.

"How was it tonight?!" _You don__'__t actually care, do you Bethany Grant? You just want me to set you up with Sirius! Or tell him how beautiful his arse is__…__which it is__…__and how silky his hair is__…__which it is…YOU MAKE ME SICK._

"Yeah it was okay, as usual."

I waited untill Bethany's weekly questions had finished had she left - rather reluctantly, I think she was scared about walking in on Karen.

Me and Daisy talked by the fire for a bit and most - if not all - of the Hufflepuffs left.

On a Friday night.

What can I say; we're not known for being social butterflies.

The fire was crackling and I watched the embers light up and the cool down, it was really relaxing.

Peaceful.

That was until Daisy started talking about something.

She had decided that we needed to-

"..Chat because that's what best friends do!" _You know what else best friends do? LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE. I never had this problem with Arvina! God I miss her, so what if she never came on my runs around the lake with me? I liked the solitude! So what if she never sat by me at breakfast, never stuck up for me while I was being teased, took the piss out me for being in LOVE with Remus__…__wait. I forgot what I was supposed to be saying__…_

"Anything you want to talk about?"

I bit my lip and carried on looking at the fire.

I did have something.

Only…it was just small…and…could I trust Daisy?

"Anything at all…" She nudged me.

But it was so stupid.

Daisy would be disappointed, she wanted juicy gossip!

"No matter how stupid it is - even if it's not juicy gossip…" _JESUS CHRIST. Is she reading my mind?! Did she just hear me go off and rant about Arvina for what felt like 15 minutes?! _

"Okay then Daisy, have you ever had…" _God, I__'__m an idiot. _"Knots in your stomach when you see someone's face?"

She gasped and her mouth formed a massive 'O', "YOU LOVE KAREN!"

"No I don't -"

"YES YOU DO, OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE!"

"Daisy-"

"She's been waiting for someone you know,"

"Daisy!"

"I think she's had her eye on you!"

"DAISY - what?! I've not been getting silly stomach feelings over Karen for Christ's sake!"

Her face fell a little.

"Oh."

"I get the knots and the elephants and the mice and the butterflies and the whole entire zoo in my middle whenever I so much as THINK about…Sirius."

I did not get the reaction I felt I deserved - no 'You're being stupid, that's normal', no 'That's not a big deal', not even an 'Oh my gosh!'.

I was really surprised at the last bit.

Instead, Daisy Thomas replied with-

"Pfft. Knew that." _Wait?! What do you mean, KNEW THAT?! So you can read my mind! Oh god I__'__m so scared, seriously, stop reading my thoughts__…__so you__'__ve been reading my mind for the last 6 years and not said a SINGLE WORD to me about it?! Oh I hate you Daisy Thomas, hate you so much I could -_

"What?!" _OH YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LITTLE MIND READER YOU, BEING ALL INNOCENT AND WEIRD!_

"What do you mean, knew that?!"

"As in, 'I knew that already…',"

She spoke slowly, mouthing each word.

Guh.

I'm not stupid.

Okay, _that_ stupid.

"I mean, the way you look at him in Muggle Studies and Transfiguration, you'd think you were in love!"

I crumbled inside, "I am not in love with him! I am in love with Remus! Oh Remus, beautiful apple-"

"-of my eye, champion of my heart, slayer of my thoughts. Blah blah blah blah BLAH."

Daisy clicked her fingers in my face.

It made me jump.

"Face it. You-Like-Sirius! You-Like-Sirius! You-Like-Sirius! You-Like-Sirius!"

Her sing-songy voice was getting so annoying that I felt like punching her.

But Carina Bootes does not punch, oh no, she sits quietly taking abuse while she thinks inside.

Or at least, that's what this Carina Bootes does.

Not that I've ever met another Carina Bootes, but oh well.

…_do_ I like Sirius?

Hmm.

Maybe…no.

Definitely not, it's just misplaced feelings for Remus!

My minds just getting confused, it thinks all Marauders are the same; this zoo in my stomach will soon stop, won't it?

Wont it?

WON'T IT?!

**October 16****th**

**7:23pm**

"I heard about the letter incident,"

Well, Jesus, of course he would've- the whole school fucking had!

It was about 20 past 7, and we had just been reading all about 'The Good Life' - a very boring subject, in both our opinions.

I sighed.

'The letter incident' which Sirius was talking about had happened that morning - my mum and dad has sent me something through post.

Muggle post.

Postman was found wandering around Hogsmede - very confused.

Had to get Dumbledore down and everything.

My Parent really care, don't they?

I mean, I'd been at Hogwarts-

"…six fucking years! You think they'd remember, by now, to send things by owl."

Sirius nodded, "Family, they're shit."

I didn't know what to make of this - except, of course, at that precise moment Sirius had tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and my tummy exploded.

"Bleaughsir…yeahh…"

"Um, you okay?" _PERFECT! IM FINE! I DON__'__T LOVE YOU AND NEVER WILL SO JUST SHUT UP AND LETS GET BACK TO DOING WHATEVER WE WERE DOING__…_

He gave me a look.

Well, this wasn't unusual; he was always giving me looks.

"I mean, its not like my family have ever been normal, you know? Mum and dad - astronomers I tell you! Ever heard of a Muggle kid called Carina? It's a star - and a crap name. Why couldn't I be called Amy or Lucy or anything other than Carina! I mean, I've always been odd, outside from everyone - never picked to play rounders-"

"What's rounders?" _Ohhh dear Sirius, if only that was the least of our worries. Sometimes I wish I-_

"…wasn't muggle born. When I got the letter to come here I thought, great! Wow! So it's not just me, I'm going to meet others like me! I'm not alone in the world! But then I came here and it was…"

"Rubbish." _How the hell would you know?! Mr Popular. Best friends with James since the second you saw each other, having every girl follow your heels for six years, oh yeah I__'__m sure that__'__s fucking rubbish._

I breathed, "I was thinking of a much stronger word, but okay."

He laughed, "I've always been an outcast too - Blacks are supposed to be like this way, and I'm like that way, you know?"

I didn't know.

"Sirius, stop talking to that mudblood! Sirius, leave that Beater Bat alone and come read with your mother! Sirius, you're in Gryffindor?! Sirius, you're a disgrace to this family name…,"

He was staring at his feet.

"I don't want to be a 'Black'; I want to be plain old Sirius…"

I moved a little closer.

So did he.

I reached my hand out to touch his on the desk and my heart felt like it was going to burst.

My fingers nearly touched his-

"That's why I moved to James' house - to get away from all the pure-blood nonsense," _FINE THEN, MOVE YOUR HAND AWAY. Last time I try and do a nice gesture for you, silly boy. Why am I so red? _"It's a right laugh with him anyway," _Eek, my face feels like its burning! Oh godddd I bet I__'__ve started the menopause. Jesus Christ, just my luck too. _"Carina? You okay?" _NO I__'__M NOT FUCKING OKAY, I FEEL LIKE I__'__M GOING TO DIE OF__…__HEAT. OR WHATEVER. _"You look a little red," _NO SHIT. _"How about we take a break - aguamenti."

He pointed at one of the empty cups that I hadn't noticed, filling it with cool water.

I downed it quickly, avoid eye contact with him - just in case he looked into my soul and saw the weird menopausal state I was in.

**October 17****th**

**8:30am**

"Hi Carina, mind if I join you on your run 'round the lake?"

"Um…sure Sirius…"

**October 18****th**

**5:00pm**

"Why the hell are we in the library? It's a Sunday!"

"I dunno Sirius- day of rest and all that, innit?"

"Yes James, you're correct, Sunday is supposed to be a nice relaxing day. What could be more relaxing than homework in a library?"

"Dear, dear Remus, I can think of one relaxing thing - and you can't do _it_ in a library- oh! Hi Carina,"

Shit.

He'd seen me.

Shit shit shit shit SHITTT.

It had been weird enough on Saturday running around the lake with him - nice, fun, but still _weird_ - now he was talking to me.

Around school.

Waving at me at breakfast and everything - there was an argument between Becky and Chloe at first about which of them it had been until Daisy followed gaze.

And of course, he had to be looking at me because the UNIVERSE SEEMS TO HATE ME.

The fact that anyone was waving at me around school was strange enough, but to have Sirius Black doing it?

I was in the library all by myself, it was freezing cold outside and Daisy was sat in the common room with the…others.

I got bored talking about whether Coca-Cola contained any coco pretty fast, so decided to retreat to the library and do some homework in peace - or so I thought.

"Come sit with us!"

Oh god.

_He_ was asking me over.

Obviously my strategy of slowly hiding behind a bookshelf wasn't working.

"Peter, Remus, James, this is Carina,"

Was he introducing me like some sort of…girlfriend?!

"Ahh the fabled Carina, we meet at last," James Potter kissed my hand.

JAMES POTTER kissed my hand.

JAMES POTTER KISSED MY HAND

It wasn't over yet though, oh no, not by a long shot.

"Hello Carina, nice to meet you," Remus Lupin held out his hand - REMUS LUPIN WAS HOLDING OUT HIS HAND TO ME.

REMUS LUPIN HAD JUST SAID MY NAME.

WITHOUT PRONOUNCING IT WRONG, OR ANYTHING.

REMUS LUPIN KNEW I EXISTED AND NOW, I WAS ABOUT TO…touch himm!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I prepared myself for the massive spark we were going to feel when we touched hands - proof that we were meant to be together, proof that the past three years admiring him would not be wasted or in vain…

"Hi," _I__'__M SHAKING IT, I__'__M SHAKING IT, I__'__M- oh. No spark? What the hell is up with that? Why isn__'__t there a spark, there should be a spark! Maybe there__'__s only a spark if the other person knows there should be a spark? Oh god, his hands are so soft too- wait, am I still holding on? I__'__m still shaking his hand! Jesus Christ! He__'__s trying to pull away now; he__'__s giving me a strange look OH FOR GOD SAKE CARINA DROP THE FUCKING HAND ALREADY._

When Peter said hello, he of course hid his hand.

He didn't want it caught in this Venus Fly-trap of a girl.

"It's great to see another one of Sirius' girlfriends - I mean, not another no, I'm sure you'll be around for a while it's just…ah…well, you know!" _WHAT THE HELL? SIRIUS GIRLFRIEND?! WHAT HAS HE BEEN TELLING HIS FRIENDS!_

"Carina's not my girlfriend, Peter- she's my Muggle Studies tutor," _Sirius, for the love of GOD, don__'__t mention that I__'__m Muggle-born, not in front of Remus, please no, please please please please._

"Oh, so YOU'RE Carina! That Muggle-born girl! The one that's taking Muggle Studies!" _WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME SO MUCH?! JAMES POTTER SHUT YOUR GOB. PLEASE._

"Yeah, I know you! Didn't you get a letter through Muggle post on Friday? Hahaha, what's that about?" _God is PETER PETTIGREW making fun of me? Seriously? Is this the level that I__'__ve been brought down to?_

"Carina, just ignore them, I don't think they really want to be here, in the library," _I love you, yes I do!_

"Understatement of the centaury?" _Shut up Sirius! Remus is twice the man you__'__ll ever be__…__ahh I mean, just LOOK at him!_

"Can't we just go back to the Common Room?" _Yes. Go back. Leave me, before I kill one of you by accident using nothing but sellotape and broom polish. It__'__s happened before; I used to have three cousins__…_

"You three go, Carina and I are happy studying here, isn't that right?" _GUH. BLUH. WUH?! SIRIUS. DON__'__T LEAVE ME. I NEVER THOUGHT I__'__D SAY IT BUT I NEED YOU HERE. PLEASE. I__'__M GOING TO KILL YOUR BEST FRIEND, I KNOW I AM I- wait. Are you WINKING at me?!_

"See you later Remus, Carina," _Don__'__t go, please don__'__t go, please please please please please! _"I wouldn't want to keep you…"

His voice sounded sort of cold - strange - but I was too busy trying to channel messages to him.

Unfortunately, Sirius isn't psychic (well, not to my knowledge anyway) so he couldn't hear my desperate pleas.

As the other three left they called out goodbyes to Remus - and me.

ME.

CARINA.

"So, what homework are you doing?"

He was talking to me as if I was a normal person.

As if I had never got a letter through Muggle post, as if I hadn't said 'Thanks Remmy' when he passed me a watering can in 4th year Herbology, as if I had never pulled out one of his hairs with intent to concoct a love potion in Charms last year, as if I wasn't Carina Bootes.

That was what threw me the most- I looked like Carina, smelt like Carina, talked like Carina and he was even calling me Carina, but I felt more unlike-Carina then I had ever felt before.

"Just some Divination- making up dreams, you know?" _How would he know?! He does REAL subjects Carina, subjects where you have to think and examine, not stupid little ones where you can get a good enough grade making things up. _

"Ah, I see." _He sees, Carina! He fucking sees! He knows that you're doing a stupid subject, that you must be an idiot; he's going to spit on you, isn't he?_

"You?" _WHY DID YOU JUST ASK A FOLLOW UP QUESTION?_

"Charms."_ See. Real subject._

"Cool." _Good, end the conversation…now slowly move away._

"I don't know if you remember but, we used to be in Charms together - 1st year until now, actually." _HE NOTICED ME? What?_

I felt my face turn red as it had with Sirius two nights ago - only, it was a different red. With Sirius when my tummy went in knots it felt sort of, well, nice. Here it felt bitter and unpleasant - was I _cringing_?

If I was cringing, why was I?

Remus said that he noticed me from Charms - something that I thought was completely untrue for all my schooling life - so why did my face feel so hot?

And not the good hot, the hot I felt with Sirius?

"Yeah, five years, isn't that weird?"

I nodded.

"Only talking now…strange."

I nodded again.

"I noticed you of course - always making the class laugh with your comments, very brave,"

I stopped nodded in disbelief now, but laughed, "Brave? Me? Seriously?"

"Oh yes - despite being a Gryffindor, I would never be able draw all eyes upon me with my words. You have a natural gift for making people laugh, but I'm sure you knew that already, ahaha. No point in bringing it up, not a single point…" _I have a 'NATURAL GIFT' for making 'PEOPLE' 'LAUGH'?! I don't care about the no spark Remus, I don't care about the horrible cringing feeling and the absent of good hot face moments. We're meant for each other!_

I was so happy with Remus' words that I almost - almost - didn't notice his face.

He was going red.

"So, Remus, are you going with anyone to Hogsmede next weekend? It's the-"

"Special Halloween trip? Just Sirius and the others…unless-"

"Unless you maybe-"

"Wanted-"

"To-"

"Go?"

I smiled, "That would be lovely Remus, just lovely,"

* * *

A/N: There you go! Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long to get to you!

P.s Wish me luck, I've got my German Listening GCSE exam on monday. ahhhh well, writing fics is more fun that revising.


	8. Paedophilia!

A/N: Yeahhh sorry this took so long. Hahahhahahaha. What can I say? I'm a flake.

Anything you see here that you recognise isn't mine blah blah blah...READ ON!**  
**

* * *

**Chapter Seven;**_** Paedophilia!**_

**October 18****th**

**5:50pm**

"Ow!"

"What?"

"Oh. Nothing."

I had just pinched myself, trying to awake from this crazy dream I was obviously having.

"OW!"

"Carina?"

"…don't worry."

I pinched myself again. Apparently it was all real.

The real Remus Lupin had just really asked me out on a real date to a real place!

Except he was probably regretting it, as I couldn't stop pinching myself.

And it was starting to get…awkward.

"…" _SAY SOMETHING._

"Yeah. So."

"Cool." _WHAT'S COOL?! Because it certainly isn't you Carina. God. He thinks you're really arrogant now doesn't he? He's going to un-ask you out. You're going to die alone._

"Yeah."

Remus turned a page in his book.

I checked my watch.

"So, err, anyway, it's getting pretty late…"

Which wasn't completely a lie.

It was nearly 6, and I'd promised I'd go over Daisy's Muggle Studies work with her…at 7.

"I've gotta go…"

He carried on reading.

"So…"

Still reading.

"Um…"

Jesus, did this book have pictures of naked witches in it?!

"See you soon…"

Finally he looked up and gave me small smile, "Yes, soon."

And back to the book he went.

I tried to peer at it before I left, just to see if it DID have naked witches doing strange things but…guess what?

It didn't!

As I walked towards the cellar, I tried not to think about the fact that Remus would rather look at a book than me.

**8:00pm**

Not that it was bothering me or anything.

**10:00pm**

Because it wasn't.

OOO**  
**

**October 19****th**

**8:00am**

"YOU CARINA BOOTES ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY SCUMBAG!"

"Um…"

You know when you wake up and think it's going to be a really good day?

I suppose it's like that for you ever day, but for me, it's so rare that when I do get that feeling it hits me bludger.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that in one week I would be in the company of book-worm (and Carina ignorer) extraordinaire, Remus Lupin!

However, this good day feeling couldn't have painted a falser picture of the day.

(Further proof that I shouldn't have done Divination…)

So, I come down from breakfast, and the halls pretty full.

As you would expect.

I walk past Gryffindor's table, anticipating the wave from Sirius- I don't get one.

So I'm stood there, watching him.

He's watching back.

"…hi Sirius."

"Remus is going to be a while to breakfast, _okay_?"

"Um…okay."

Then he gives me and angry look, turns to some blonde girl and starts flirting.

Flirting!

At 8:15 in the morning!

I suppose its better at this time of day, people have less food to vomit up.

Speaking of food, I sit down at the Hufflepuff table (by myself, as Chloe etc. haven't got up yet)

(Yes, I know class starts in fifteen minutes)

(Well fine, you can go up to Bethany Grant and wake her, not me, I don't have a death wish!)

I grab myself a plate of bacon…mhmm…bacon…oh we're not going down that road again…ooh.

I eat alone for ten minutes, still no sign of Daisy, when Arvina stomps over.

Like an angry gazelle.

If gazelles get angry.

Which I think they do.

You can't really feel cheerful all the time if you're always under constant threat from lions, eagles, water buffalos…can an eagle kill a gazelle anyway?!

I was imagining a battle of the two animals when I heard a noise.

"YOU CARINA BOOTES, ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY SCUMBAG!"

Maybe it wasn't so much a noise, as it was a tirade of abuse.

"Hi Arvina. How are you?" _Shit. Shit. Shit. What have I done now._

"DON'T 'HOW ARE YOU' ME CARINA! YOU ARE THE LOWEST OF THE LOW." _Seriously. What have I done?! Is this all because I didn't stand up for her in Charms when Chloe was laughing at her?!_

"Look, sorry about Charms-"

"CHARMS. CHARMS! I DON'T CARE ABOUT FUCKING CHARMS." _Well, I'm sure you do as you're really good at that subject. How can you get an E and not care about it? _

"What are you talking about Arvina? You really care about charms, I remember you cried once when Professor Flitwick-"_ Wow she is MAD. Her nostrils are flared really far out and her foreheads gotten all crinkly. Maybe talking isn't the best thing to do right now…new tactic?_

I tried to give her a blank stare.

It just seemed to make her madder.

And her forehead crinklier.

"YOU'VE BEEN SPREADING RUMOURS ABOUT ME, HAVEN'T YOU!" _Have I?! Oh and cheers Arvina for picking a time when almost, say, the entire school is at breakfast. AND WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?!_

_I'm just going to ignore the crowd forming…_

"Is this the whole 'me and you are a lesbian couple' thing? I've been meaning to talk to you about that for a while, seems that the school think that. When Sirius told me I laughed so much and-"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT- wait. What?! Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian?!" _Did you not know?!_

"I thought you knew!" _HOW DOES THAT HELP THINGS?! ANSWER: IT DOESN'T._

"Well, no, I quite obviously didn't! There's a different rumour going around that YOU started!" _What could it be?! At least she's stopped shouting…_

"Umm…I really can't remember hearing any rumours…"

"NOT EVEN THE VERY ONE THAT YOU STARTED, THE ONE ABOUT…ABOUT…ABOUT-" _Ohh she's started shouting again. _"ME BEING…HALF AND HALF!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE BORN WITH BOTH FEMALE AND MALE…parts."

"That's really creepy! Can you get people like that?"

"Yeah I didn't know about it either until once I was shopping with my mum and we saw this man- or at least, what I thought was a man and- WAIT. YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF THAT EASY!"

That just shows how out of loop I am in the social events at Hogwarts, that a rumour that I am supposed to have started is a rumour I haven't even heard myself.

And to top everything off, who should walk into the hall for breakfast but a very sleepy Remus lead by a very eager Sirius.

Wait, _lead_ by a very eager Sirius?!

AND WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?!

"YOU THINK ITS FUNNY DO YOU CARINA?" _Umm…shit?_

"No! I didn't even start this thing!"

"Maybe everyone should hear something's about…you."

Arvina was speaking quietly now, and as she did so the crowds laughter died down.

I replied, trying not to be heard, trying to make her countinue whispering, "No. You wouldn't."

Her voice grew, "Maybe everyone would like to know who Carina Bootes used to have dreams about every night." _She wouldn't. _"Who she used to plan her wedding to." _Shit. "_What concocted in the girls toilets last year?" _SHIIT. _"Maybe they'd like to know that it was a potion." _DOUBLE SHIT. _"Intended for one person." _TRIPLE SHIT. _"One specific Gryffindor." _MAXIMUM LEVELS OF SHIT HAVE BEEN REACHED HERE. _"Remus Lupin."

It. Was. Awful.

Everyone was laughing.

And not just little laughs, proper big massive grown-up laughs.

Some peoples eyes were watering.

Not mine.

Okay.

Mine were 'watering' but that was from tears.

And my face was bright red.

SURPRISINGLY, getting upset does NOT help when people are laughing at you. It just makes them laugh more. Who knew?

As if my tears weren't awful enough, the crowd parted and I saw him.

Stood next to Sirius, bright red too.

We looked at each other, and I whispered to Arvina, "Who told you I'd said this?"

She answered back with, "No-one important."

And as I ran out of the hall, I thought that she had never been more wrong in her entire life.

OOO

**8:35am**

"Yes Bettie, I know."

There was a solitary boy by the lake when I got there.

"Well, it's not my fault!"

He had dirty blonde hair and big, blue eyes.

"Oh you just hop away, go on, see if I care!"

His small frame gave him the appearance of a bush-baby.

But that wasn't the weird thing.

As I got closer, I noticed who- or should I say, what- he was arguing with.

A frog.

"Yeah, you better hop!"

He mumbled something under his breath as I sat down next to him.

We didn't speak.

One minute past.

Then two.

Then three.

I sniffed really loudly.

Four.

I wiped a few tears away, and let out a strangled cry.

Five.

I stretched out my hand and-

Six.

"Ouch!"

"Oh sorry, didn't see you there!"

"Don't worry."

The look on his face told me that I shouldn't, and I carried on talking.

"What's your name?" _Something really weird and strange no doubt, like Xavier, one of those names that should only be reserved for people born in the 1400s-_

"Oliver" _Oh. _"Lovegood." _Ohhhhhh. Yeah. There's the weird name. Xavier Lovegood still has a nice ring to it…_"5th year Hufflepuff."

Huh. I'd expected him to be younger.

"Well, I'm Ca-"

"Carina Nasica Bootes, 6th Year Hufflepuff, born 31st of December in Dorset. Muggle parents who think that being a witch means you want 100 independence. Afraid of birds. Likes painting. Very insecure" _O…k. That's not creepy._

This boy didn't need to have a weird name.

He was already strange enough.

"You're upset!" Oliver said, noticing my puffy eyes, "Want to talk?"

I was afraid this small psychic bush-baby had a hidden strength if I declined so my head nodded.

And, yeah, I felt like talking anyway.

So we did.

For a really long time.

I told him about tutoring Sirius, about my obsession with Remus, what Arvina had shouted out in the hall, how Daisy and the others didn't really like me, how Mum and Dad basically ignored me (although he already knew that one…). Oliver was really nice and understanding and didn't laugh at me like I thought he would. He knew. He got it. And even if he didn't he was very good at knowing what to say in the right places.

"Sounds like Sirius likes you."

"No. We're friends."

"Sounds like you like Sirius."

"NO. We're friends Oliver."

"Okay."

We walked round the lake a few times, and then I checked my watch. It was nearly the start of Transfiguration, and I asked Oliver if he'd walk me there.

On the way we bumped into Sirius, looking rather annoyed.

"I have a message from Remus." _Shit. He's going to say he hates me, that he'd rather marry Arvina and that he's never going to speak to me again, shit shit shit- _"He'll see you Saturday."

"Oh thanks Sirius, tell Remus that-"

But he was gone.

Probably disgusted at the fact I was hanging around with a boy who looked about twelve.

Jesus Christ.

He thinks I'm a paedophile.

And now he's off to tell Remus.

I give it twenty minutes before the third years come up with a chant using my name and the words 'kiddy fiddler'.

"Oh Oliver. How can you say he likes me? Really?"

"You'd be surprised. And Carina,"

"Yes?"

"I don't think you look like a paedophile for hanging around with me."

OOO

**October 20****th**

**11:35am**

"Incomming!" Daisy whispered in my ear, and I jumped behind a group of 7th Year Ravenclaws. The dirty looks I got were totally worth it.

"You're going to have to see him at some point- what about Saturday?"

"You shush Daisy Thomas!"

OOO

**October 22****nd**

**5:00pm**

"…studying up on Astronomy probably."

I sunk further underneath a book.

"Does Moony even take Astronomy?"

Whether or not this Moony person did take Astronomy I didn't care, I just pulled a pile of books towards me covering my face from Sirius and James Potter.

OOO

**6:55pm**

"Shouldn't you on your way to tutoring what's he face?" Bethany Rink demanded from me, pretending to forgot Sirius' name.

Maybe she didn't want to look creepy.

Except, that sort of failed as she was looming over me and the envy was pratically leaking out of her.

"She sent a message to Professor Cadson asking if she could miss it."

"And?"

"No reply yet." I squeaked.

It was nearly 7, did this mean I didn't have to go? Did my amazing letter stating that I had lots of studying myself to do fool the Professor? Was fate FINALLY smiling on me?

"Hi, I've got a message for Carina Bootes?" Asked a small blonde Hufflepuff.

"That's me!" _Please say I can miss it please please please please please I'll do ANYTHING, even…well maybe not anything. A few things…okay. Maybe not a few things. Name something and I'll tell you if I'll do it or not, unless it involves birds because they are really- _

"Professor Cadson says that you still have to keep the arrangement."_ Bollocks._

OOO

**7:05pm**

"Sorry I'm late."

"Fine."

"Umm…so have you read the book I wanted you to read?"

"Yes."

"Good…umm…so if I can ask you these questions on Romeo and Juliet…"

OOO**  
**

**7:35pm**

Sirius hadn't made one comment about how I was late. He hadn't laughed at any of my jokes about Shakespeare- okay, he never laughs at them, but at least he looks at me. Gives me more than one word answers. Why was he so annoyed? If anything I should be annoyed at _him _for laughing when Arvina was shouting at me. What friend was he? Not sticking up for me? I knew it all along, he thought he was better than me- yeah, it was fine to wave at that Carina girl, but talk to her in front of a big group? No way.

"…wrote Romeo and Juliet between 1589-"

"Sirius. What's wrong?"

"-and 1595, although no-one-"

"Sirius."

"-is sure of the exact date it was-"

"Please look at me." _YOU BASTARD._

I reached out for his hand but he pulled it away.

"Oh, yes?" _usrgheiugaeroiahrlkjalk HUH?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YES'?! And you're still not looking at me! _

"What's the matter? We're actually doing work for once, you haven't looked at me all night or given me a straight answer."

At this he lifted his head up and did look at me. And his eyes were still brown and they still had small little dark circles around them, and they were still beautiful.

(Although, of course, not nearly as beautiful as Remus' eye which were a lovely…err…amber? Grey? Hazel? Anyway, I was sure that Remus' eyes would be nicer than Sirius' because they'd be full of knowledge and we all know how attractive I find intelligence. Except when it meant that they'd rather read than look at me. And I was sure Sirius would never do that.)

But as quick as I saw those dark eyes, they disappeared again.

No, not like, VANISHED.

Like.

He looked back down.

And I started to cry.

Because, apparently, Sirius doesn't think I'm enough of a wuss anyway.

"Why won't you look at me? Why? Is it because you hate me? Because you found out I was a creepy psycho in the ways of trapping men? Because I'm surprised you didn't already figure that out."

And my brain couldn't SHUT UP.

I'd opened a gate.

"I really really like Remus and now Arvina has gone and spoiled it all and he hates me doesn't he Sirius? He hates me. And thinks I'm some creepy paedophile for talking to that Oliver boy who seems to think that I like…but that's not important because Remus thinks I'm a giant psycho and probably doesn't want to be left alone with me for more than five minutes in case I eat his brains or something and I feel awful and wretched because he hates me and I hate me and now you hate me apparently."

"I don't hate you."

"Why have you been ignoring me then?"

"I feel guilty."

"Guilty? About what?"

"Arvina shouting at you."

"Because you didn't stop anything? No. Don't feel bad. It's not like you started the rumour or anything and then went up and told her that I'd started it just to embarrass me in front of Remus, is it?"

Sirius was still looking down.

"Is it?"

Either he found the floor really interesting, or…

Oh.

OH.

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH.

(Ironically that was the shape of my mouth too)

"Yeah…Carina…I'm so sorry!"

"YOU'RE SORRY?! FUCK YOU." _Slap him slap him slap him slap him slap him slap him slap him…now?_

"Don't go, we've still got fifteen minutes left!"

But go I fucking did, and I also looked back, (but really quickly because I didn't want him to think I cared about his feelings or anything because I really really don't and anyway it's not like it's a crime to care about someone's feelings or anything especially if they've done something really horrible to you in fact this makes you the better person because you're able to move past your hatred and still see if the other person is okay ) surprised to see that he was still looking down at the floor.

"Carina wait, I can explain!"

WHAT A CUN-

OOO

* * *

A/N: Soooo, on that note I'm going to have to leave you 'hanging' as they sayy. Ahahah. I really hate the title for the chapter, just because I couldn't think of anything else. 

Maybe Rumours? Oh well, too late now...

Keep checking and reading because next chapter will be all about the trip to Hogsmede! Oooooh.

ANNND if I stick to my chapter plan, I'm about half way through! But god knows I wont and it'll either be longer or much much shorter (I'm banking on it being short)

So, once again, sorry for keeping you waiting for so long but I do try and complete all stories!

Keep reading and good byee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(Oh, and if anyones wondering whats happening on the exam front, I've done them all and I am confident of a D in maths, which means I'll have to retake next year blah blah blah blahhh oh god. Sixth form looks really scary. Hope youre all having a good summer, I'm just looking forward to going to Reading Festival hahahah. But anyway. Yeah. So. BYEEEEE)


	9. Hate!

A/N: I've been sitting on this chapter for quite a while so i thought i'd post the lovely half version to keep you all happy and to let you know that i havent died! yet! (goshhh if i do, you'll never know who ends up with who! will karen find her soulmate? does lily ever appear again or even get mentioned so far its been very little for a fic about someone who is best friends with someone who is obsessedw with her!)

(i apologise, its 3:35am and i should be doing some english language coursework) xxxxxxx

p.s not owned, but i wish it was...

* * *

**Chapter Eight and ½; Hate!**

**October 23****rd**

**5:00am**

I hate Sirius

**5:05am**

He is scum.

**5:06am**

No.

Scum's too good for him, he's…umm…er…

What's worse than scum?

**5:10am**

Whatever he is, it is not nice.

**5:11am**

And is definitely worse then scum.

**5:15am**

Scummy-scummy-scum-scum

**5:20am**

I hate Sirius.

**5:30am**

He is shit.

**5:31am**

Really shit.

**5:32am**

Really really REALLY shit!

**5:35am**

The shittest supposed friend EVER.

**5:40am**

Now I'm going to stop thinking about Sirius and get some sleep.

**5:42am**

Tomorrow I am seeing Remus.

**5:44am**

And even though Sirius will be there too I will NOT obsess over him because I am too good a person.

I will not think another thought about him because he is not worth it.

**5:50am**

Dickhead.

**7:00am**

Not only is Sirius content with ruining my life, he also seems to want to wreck my sleeping pattern too.

His face kept swimming around in my head last night and I kept getting really angry but then really butterflyery but then really angry again.

So, due to the complete lack of kip I woke up to the sight of a bony girl with no boobs and massive plastic carrier bags (not literally) under her eyes.

Thanks Sirius.

**10:15am**

Right shit.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit SHITTT.

Okay so basically, I thought taking a really long shower might make my eyes less plastic carrier bagg-y or whatever, except I forgot how warm showers were and how sleepy I was and how amazing it is to be able to drift off into your own little world when you're washing and my amazing knack for dozing off whilst stood up and-

Yeah.

I fell asleep.

In the SHOWER.

Who does that?!

I woke up to the sweet majestic sounds of Chloe banging on the door-- "CARINA OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR OR I SWEAR TO GOD!"

I never did find out what she would be swearing to God if I didn't open the door as I wasn't in the mood to be battered by someone who seemed to have most of their weight contained to their chest.

I was also fretting about the fact that I'd fallen asleep in the shower.

How did I calm these nerves?

Climbed back into bed and closed my eyes just for a few seconds and-

SHIT!

When I woke up from THAT nap my hair had dried all weirdly stuck up and stuff, all over the shop.

I hate having short hair, arhghghghg.

Not only do I look like I have cats ears sticking out my head, that white top I was going to wear (to look all pure and saintly for Remus)?

Bethany Grant borrowed it while I was tutoring Sirius on Friday (without asking might I add!).

Spilt pumpkin juice all down the front.

Now my chest area (or should I say 'area' since there is a definite lack of 'chest') is tinged orange.

I have no other clothes, no time to do a cleaning spell…

Remus looks like someone who values brains over looks anyway…

Too bad I don't have any brains!

**12:00pm**

So, I walked - or ran more like - to the entrance hall where Remus was meeting me.

Along with James.

And Peter.

And_Sirius._

Jesus, were they afraid of being away from each other or something?!

"Hi Remus," I walked over and waved.

He waved back.

"Sorry about being late you know, I overslept…"

He nodded.

Silence.

"Oh and um…Hi James, Peter and _Sirius_." The smile I flashed was huge and I hoped it hid the anger bubbling inside my tummy.

At least it felt like anger.

It could've been butterflies…

The three boys said 'Hi' back and we decided to leave.

It was a little awkward and they were all having a conversations as I dragged my feet along.

I searched my brain for any advice I'd ever been given about boys.

My mum once told me when I was six that if a boy touched me I should scream and find an adult but I don't think that applied anymore at 16 years old…

Similarly, my dad told me that if a boy touched me I should scream and kick him between the legs.

I think that's just more violent advice on the same subject.

It was hardly as if Remus was going to touch me up…at least, I hoped not since I hadn't had time to shave my pits and they were sooooo hairy, like giant tarantulas crouching on the inside of my arm and I'm sure that could put him off girls for life-

Hadn't Arivina said that boys like big boobs?

Yes, but hadn't I always asked her that if that was true, how come she didn't have a boyfriend?

But Daisy said that they liked big boobs too. So did Chloe and Bethany and Karen said that she personally didn't have a preferance and we all sat in silence and moved away from her for a bit.

Bethany also told me to laugh at everything boys say, ask them lots about manly things like Quidditch and touch them.

Lots.

(This conflicted with mum and dads advice of course - if I touched them did I still have to scream and kick them between the legs?)

Another problem was that I didn't think Remus liked Quidditch, I didn't want to touch him THAT much and he was being a bit too quiet for me to laugh.

Sirius on the other hand loved Quidditch, was talking nineteen to the dozen and something inside me really wanted to touch him.

I assume that was just the anger bubbling up again, yearning to punch him in the face and kick him lots and pull his hair and caress his face and-

"So we're gonna go to the Three Broomsticks now Remus," James Potter interrupted my train of thought.

Good.

I didn't want to think about Sirius in case I went all red.

-from being so angry…

"Yeah, um, see you later," Remus answered.

"Carina, where do you want to go?" _What a gentleman, asking me where to go after talking to your friends for about half an hour and completely ignoring me while I was left to THINK and my thoughts wandered to Sirius and…bollocks! There they go again! Right, I'm just going to keep talking so I'm occupied._

"I dunno, wherever you want to go! I was thinking about maybe the Owlery to post a letter to my mum and dad but who am I kidding I don't think they'd really care that much hahha, um how about Zonko's? But I have no money…I guess we could always go sit by the Shrieking Shack and talk for a bit? I heard it's haunted there! Do you think that's true? If anyone would know it'd be you Remus. I think you should investigate like they do in Agatha Christie books like Poriot except Poriot was French - maybe you could be an English Poriot and I'd be Hastings but like all female and stuff?"

He smiled, "Shrieking Shack it is." _He talked! Lets follow Bethany's advice, go go go go_

"Hahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahahahah!" _Pausing for breath…_"Hahahahahah! You're so funny Remus!"

Apparently Remus thought I was funny too by the look he was giving me.

**1:00pm**

We sat down.

Time for another bit of Bethany's advice…

"Do you like Quidditch Remus?"

"Not really." _SHIT. What were are supposed to talk about?! Bethany also said that I should touch him a lot maybe if I put my hand on his leg a bit…_

_Okay he flinched but I'm sure that's a good thing…_

_Should I move in for the kill? What about if I throw myself on him? Bethany said boys like whores, lets do that! Okay…here I go…I'm going in…_

"Wha-Carina, what are you doing?!" _WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!_

"Throwing myself at you!"

"Oh."_Oh?! What do you mean, oh?! Do you not want me?! God, I'm repulsive. You haven't been talking because you know I'm a psycho, you know how crazy I am, you know I like you so much and you hate me._

"Well Remus, I'd better be going."

I stood up and started to walk away from the stone we'd been sat near, kicking leaves like a child in a strop as I went.

"Carina! Carina wait!"

I didn't wait, I kept walking.

"I brought you something!"

I turned around.

And slowly walked back.

(What can I say? I'm a materialistic cow)

* * *

A/N: HALF CHAPTERRRRRRRR the rest will be wonderful, i'm sure you're slobbering with anticipation...xxxxxxxxx 


	10. Message to the Reader

Babes!  
I just wanted to say, **I love you**, you are a loyal reader and I feel I have let you down. I have been supplying you with a sub-par story that is just embarrassingly bad!  
So I am going to do a massive re-write of everything, maybe change some stuff about Carina, maybe keep some plot elements, who knows? I do! I want to finish this story and I want you to enjoy it, and I don't feel I have been giving this fic as much thought as I should.  
The other chapters will stay up until I'm happy with the re-write and feel it is time to repost. The name might change, it might stay the same. Who knows! Add me to author alert if you want to be absolutely safe…I'm sorry, it WILL be finished at some point in my life!  
Thank you for reading, review if you want to have a chat about the situation/story!

georgie :) xxxx

_As you are leaving, you spot a skinny silver haired girl with big blue eyes and a dreamy expression occupying her face sat on the floor. In front of here is a Hogwarts colouring book and two crayons - gold and black. She is colouring in dutifully. You pass her silently and hear her muttering under her breath, "Georgie says I've been a good girl, I get to go back into the box, the box is nice, i will get Remus, i will, I WILL, I WILL!"  
_


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